Be kind to yourself

There’s no reason to steal your own sunshine.

———- Laci Mosier


Why am I so harsh on myself?

I’m asked this question way too often from my clients  — self-reflection makes them realise they are ruthless on themselves. You have to look good and feel good to conquer the world, everyone will tell you.
What’s driving everyone anxious is this: no matter how hard you try, no matter how successful you are, no matter how good you are — it’s never enough.

Stretching beyond your comfort zone is one thing; being harsh on yourself is another. Our culture is rooted in high self-esteem — you have to be special, unique, and above average.
This pressure is false pretentious. By trying to become special in the eyes of others, we turn acceptance into a moving target. We never fulfil other people’s expectations, neither our own.
Now the main point is that how am I going to be enough for myself….hmm
How I can be kind to myself instead of being harsh…..
When the above questions arises in our mind We tend to think that we have to earn self-kindness. That is, in order to be kind to ourselves, we must meet certain conditions. We just can  not make mistakes, like…
 *We must work out five times a week, No exceptions
 *We must keep a tidy, organised home
 *We must make “healthy” meals
*We must check off everything on our to-do list
*We must excel at work, and produce, produce, produce
 *We cannot fail. Under any circumstances
*We must……
*We must…..
*We must….
And at times the list can be non ending…

And if we don’t meet above  conditions, then we try to  punish ourselves….
 *We wake up earlier and earlier.
 *We work longer hours.
 *We don’t rest.
 *We don’t take any time for ourselves.
*Because we’re convinced we don’t deserve it.
 *We talk to ourselves in ways we’d never talk to others.
*Because we’re convinced we deserve it.

Being kind can be hard, especially when we’re angry with ourselves or  when we feel disappointed due to something we did—or didn’t do.

Many of us have to teach ourselves how to be self-compassionate. Because self-compassion is actually a skill we can sharpen—whether we’ve bashed ourselves for years or not. The more you practice, the more you act with kindness, the more natural it becomes.

We’re taught to be kind to others from the very beginning, but all too often we leave ourselves off the list. Without even realising it, we can be our biggest bully and greatest adversary. But life’s tough —there’s no reason to steal your own sunshine.

Below you’ll find few suggestions and insights to be kind to yourself:

🌷Speak sincere words of kindness
When creating your self-compassionate statements, be clear, be true to your experience and use a kind tone. You might includes these other words , you might try:
😍“Even though this feels hard, I will be gentle with myself”;
😍 “I’ve got this”;
😍and “I will be OK.”

I will suggest , you can create your statement by asking yourself:
“What do I need to do to feel calm in my body?”
or “What do I yearn for from others?”
When you find the right statements, you’ll know, because you’ll feel a wave of relief, inspiration or gratitude.

🌷Savour touch

Touch signals our body’s soothing system, triggering positive feelings and a sense of safety, I would like to suggests savouring sensations such as the warmth of a cup of tea;
~the water cascading down our skin during a shower;
 ~the softness of fleece.
~When you’re struggling,
~you can give yourself a hug,
~ place your hand over your heart,
 ~Or touch your face.
You also can figure it out  by considering these questions:
~Do you like to be touched or not really?
~Do you notice any changes in your mood,
~energy level and quality of your relationships related to the amount of touch you’ve received?
~What things touch you emotionally?

🌷Explore stress.
 Kindness is knowing ourselves, and tending to ourselves. One way we can do that is by exploring how stress affects us.
I would like to suggests this exercise:
Think of a recent event that upset or stressed you out. Draw a stick figure or an outline of your body. Write or draw the sensations you experienced or are experiencing right now as you think of the event.
Respond to these prompts, as well:
“If stress were a colour, it would be……
The picture that comes to mind with the word ‘stress’ is …….
My stress symptoms include …

I know I am stressed when I emotionally feel …..
The very first sign of stress is …..
When I’m stressed, my thinking becomes ……
Others can tell when I am stressed because I ….”
Once you identify how stress manifests for you, you can identify what will genuinely help and support you.

🌷Delve deeper.
 To develop a deeper understanding of ourselves, You might reflect on these questions:
“What is one thing I can do today that will stretch my heart a bit wider?
What does a meaningful life mean to me?
 What would I regret not doing at least once in my life?
What would I die for?
What am I most proud of?
What am I grateful for?
 What is one habit I want to break, and what is one habit I want to create?
What does ‘god’ or ‘spirit’ mean to me?
When was the last time I said ‘I love you’ to those I care about? To myself?”

We don’t need to wait to be kind until we’ve supposedly done something worthy of compassion.
 ~We can make kindness part of our everyday.
 ~We can speak kindly and gently to ourselves, especially when we’re struggling.
 ~I’m upset, and it’s totally understandable.

~I’m having a rough day.
 ~I can’t stop crying, and that’s OK.
 ~ I need to feel this.
 ~We can get to know ourselves on a profound level.
~We can tend to our needs, especially when we’re stressed, especially when we don’t perform or produce, especially when we fail.

🌷Be in your corner.
Instead of submitting to your misgivings, stand up to them.
~Squash self-doubt.
~Cheer for yourself.
~You are your own biggest motivator.
~ No one cares about you as much as you should care about yourself.
So stand tall in your corner, and honour all that you are and all that you can become.

🌷Pay it forward, to yourself.
Do things your future self will thank you for.
~ Like wearing sunscreen.
~And starting savings accounts.
~And going to bed early—and actually taking vitamins.
~ Send good karma into the universe.
~ Do kind things now for the future you and future life you want to have.
 It’s never too late to start.


🌷Give your flaws a high-five.
Your body is a powerful vessel capable of doing good and lovely things. Don’t be so hard on it. In an interview following the Boston Marathon bombing, one of the runners described how much she used to loathe her thighs—ashamed of their spider veins and collage of dimples. In the article’s photo she stood tall with her new prosthetic legs. “Now, I would give anything to have those legs I used to hate,” she said. Love your body, stretch marks, scars, and all.

 🌷Welcome the good.
Studies show that we subconsciously self-sabotage what we don’t think we deserve. If you don’t think you are worthy of love, happiness, or success, you won’t receive those things because you won’t allow yourself to let them in. So change your perception of what you think you deserve. Send out good vibes, and welcome them in with a warm heart when they come back to you.

 🌷Give yourself a hand.
Kindness is helping others when they are down, so help yourself just the same. If you’re down for the count or stuck in a rut, that’s okay—it happens. Accept it and then make a conscious effort to shift your perspective and pull yourself up. We’ve all been there, and you’d do the same for a friend.

🌷Be whatever you are, wherever you are.
Yearning for the good old days or stressing about what the future holds dilutes the present. No matter where you are or what the situation is, feel it and embrace it. Don’t waste what you have now by wishing for what once was or longing for what could be. This is your time. Live in it.
Live in the moment.

🌷Ditch the hard feelings.
Grudges are an ugly burden. And when you mess up, you can hold one against yourself. But the thing is, mistakes are a part of this wonderful life—and that’s okay. Don’t punish yourself by dragging past failures and mistakes around like a backpack full of rocks. They slow you down physically and emotionally. Learn from them, make peace with them, and set yourself free.

 🌷Be kind to others.
Many of us already know that volunteering has magnificent powers. When you help others, the work you’re doing, time you’re spending, or money you’re giving comes back around tenfold. Use your passion or craft to deepen the impact of your service. Teach a free yoga class for children, prepare your best dessert for a bake sale, or simply listen to the stories of others. Do good and be kind. It will pay invaluable dividends to the soul.

Recent research in neuroscience has showed that being kind to yourself can leave long-lasting changes in the brain if practiced on a regular basis.⠀

For more valuable insight please keep reading my blog





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